


A Fever Dream

by Malvacea



Category: Bill Clinton - Fandom, Bill Clinton/Hillary Clinton - Fandom, Billary - Fandom, HILLARY CLINTON - Fandom
Genre: AU, Billary freeform, Billary with Original Characters, F/F, F/M, Humor, Insanity, Light BDSM
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-10-15 18:04:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17533583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malvacea/pseuds/Malvacea
Summary: Hillary exerts her powers across the pond...This is a pretty wild gift for someone wild.Please DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED!





	1. Lawyering

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Blush8657](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blush8657/gifts).



Edinburgh. January 24th 2019

8:58pm

 

_ Try’n concentrate, Lina. Just 3 more hours _ .

 

Those were the last words that were on Alina’s tired, overworked mind before her eyes fluttered shut and she was unable to open them again. The last months had been such a pain in the arse. Overtime at the law office. At least four times a week. And for what? A car payment? She had a case she thought she could handle, but that turned out to eat up more of her free time than even seven needy children would. Fuck! 

 

The next thing that entered her conscious mind was her young assistant Victoria shaking her by the arm.

 

“What does this child want?” Alina thought to herself, still seeing the 20-year-old as though she were merely six. “Victoria…” she stammered.

 

“Alina, you must wake up! Steve has gotten into an accident! He hit a blood sausage truck and there are dick-shaped foods flooding the streets of Edinburgh!”

 

Alina knew this would happen, particularly because dick-shaped foods always flooded the streets of Edinburgh.

 

“Hurry!”

 

“But to where?” Alina said, wiping her eyes. “How am I to clear the streets?” 

 

“There is an emergency meeting in the boardroom NOW! Since the partners are actively involved in the Mueller investigation, they have appointed an interim boss for such an emergency. It appears that Steve is really injured.”

 

“For SUCH an emergency? Are you sure?”

 

“Yes. You’ve got to come now. Every second counts.” 

 

Alina’s body was still slow, heavy with sleep, but her assistant practically lifted her out of her office chair by her sleeve and left her with no time to think.

 

Within seconds, the two women rushed down the corridor of the large law firm and found themselves in the spacious boardroom. The place was crowded. Fourteen chairs grouped around one large oak table and there was already standing room only. Alina and Victoria had to use some serious elbow to not get knocked over by all the Steves, Clives, and Pauls who were, or were not, their actual full-time coworkers. The place was abuzz with activity. Alina heard snippets of conversation from which she surmised that Steve was really hurt. Apparently a blood sausage had hit him square in the head and had obliterated his lawyering powers instantly.

 

“There are so many white men,” Alina whispered.

 

“Shh! I think the interim boss is coming. I heard they brought in a big shot from NYC.”

 

“ _ That would make sense, since this stuff concerns US politics and we are mainly dealing with Scottish property law here, _ ” Alina thought. “How many Scottish people did that orange dickwad annoy to get our attention?” 

 

“Shhhh!!!!” 

 

Alina hadn’t realized that she had said these last few words out loud. 

 

All of a sudden the room went deadly silent. The second door had opened to reveal none other than big-shot lawyer, and rightful 45th president of the United States Hillary Rodham Clinton, her husband Bill, and their six secret service agents in tow. Hillary strode confidently up to the head of the table, cleared her throat, and addressed the audience.

 

“Please,” Hillary said, “remain standing.”

 

Everyone looked around and remained standing.

 

“As you know, I’m Hillary Clinton--the most powerful person in the world. With one snap of my fingers, I can make everyone in here named Steve worship at my feet.”

 

“It’s true,” Bill said, suddenly wearing a “Steve” nametag.

 

“Today we will be going over the Mueller findings that have been released to this firm, but before we do that, I will test everyone here...for firmness.” 

 

Alina thought she had misheard. Perhaps it was that damn language barrier between English and English she reasoned. “Damn Americans…”

 

Bill quickly reached into the totebag he was carrying and handed Hillary a pair of latex gloves. 

 

“We will do this in alphabetical order,” she said, scanning her paperwork. She saw Alina’s name, lifted her chin, and scanned the room. “Alina, come forward.”

 

Alina was too stunned to react, but her faithful assistant gave her a nudge and she started walking towards the towering presence at the head of the room. Although Alina felt that she’d made nearly 100 steps, her short legs had only moved halfway across the room.

“Alina,” Hillary stated, looking the girl up and down. “Take off your blouse.”

 

“My...my blouse?”

 

Hillary wouldn’t repeat herself, and Alina soon understood that fact too. She slowly unbuttoned her blouse and yanked the tail from her skirt. When she removed it from her shoulders, Hillary lifted her chin again, face expressionless. 

 

“Now what?” Alina asked, feeling vulnerable.

 

“Remove your bra,” Hillary simply stated, and every Steve and Clive in the room nearly burst.

 

“If I must,” Alina said, unhooking her bra. “I’m not sure what this has to do with the Mueller investigation, though.”

 

“Don’t ask questions, dammit!” Bill screamed, staring at her tits.

 

Alina removed her bra and stood naked from the waist up among her peers. Hillary snapped the latex gloves before putting them on her hands and fondled Alina. The younger woman would be lying if she said she didn’t enjoy the touch, but she was a professional she told herself. Outside of all the Steves wheezing in the room and the weird giraffe standing on the side smoking a cigarette, this was a workplace. A place of honor and prestige.

 

It almost felt like an out-of-body experience to the young woman. She was alerted back to her current situation when Hillary again cleared her throat. “This one will do just nicely. Bill, I don’t think we need to go any further down your little alphabetical list there.” 

 

Bill squirmed slightly. “As is your wish, Madam President.”

 

Hillary let go of Alina’s breasts, turned around sharply, and hissed at her husband “You are never to call me that in public. Have I not made myself understood earlier?”

 

Bill noticeably shrank and started babbling like a baby “Of course. I’m sorry. Please, forgive me, Madam Secretary.”

 

Alina was shaken by what had just occurred, but also desperately turned on. Hillary’s power overrode her average stature and soft curves. She was godlike--a powerhouse--and the electricity of her was connected right in Alina’s loins. 

 

“I want this room cleared of all the unnecessary Steves, Clives, and Pauls immediately. 

Only I, Bill, Alina, and that quivering heap of a young lady over in the corner are to remain,” Hillary exclaimed pointing at Alina’s assistant. “Everyone else must leave this boardroom now. The security of the United States of America depends on it.” 

A stunned, silently muttering group of old white men flocked out into the hall.

Alina hadn’t dared to move, let alone utter a single word. She was merely standing still in place. Her nipples had become painfully erect from the exposure to cold air and the faint memories of earlier stimulation. The girl did not make eye contact with the older woman who was walking past her, striding to the opposite side of the room to close the door with a loud bang.

 

Both Bill and Victoria were visibly startled by the noise. A tear was rolling down Alina’s left cheek and she started shaking lightly as Hillary approached her again with a stern look on her face.  

 

“What have we here?” Hillary asked, lifting up Alina’s chin to force eye contact. “A fragile little flower, it seems, but with such nice tits. This one will do just nicely, Bill.”

 

Bill, who had regained most of his composure, nodded vehemently. 

 

“Nicely for what?” Alina nervously asked. When Hillary didn’t answer, Alina felt that she should be more stern. “Nicely for what, Madam President?!”

 

Hillary glared at her, icy eyes peering into Alina’s brown ones. “What did you just call me?”

 

Alina swallowed. “M...Madam...President.”

 

The room remained silent. No one moved an inch. They could hear a pin drop, but instead, they heard the faint ashes falling from the giraffe’s third cigarette. “It seems that we’ve picked an insubordinate one,” Hillary said, speaking to Bill. “Funny, isn’t it? I came here for a little fun, and now I need to punish.”

 

On the opposite side of the room, Victoria ran her hand up her chest, wiping the glaze of sweat from her skin. God, she was attracted to Hillary. She was straight, of course, in the same way was spaghetti was. But like the pasta, as the room had gotten hotter, Victoria’s loins loosened.

 

“You have no right to punish me,” Alina said, holding her ground. “I am a partner in this firm. We try a host of cases ranging from uh, that kinda shit to some other kinda shit, and we’re damn good at it! There’s no way I’m gonna allow some yank to come in here and ‘punish’ me for being the assertive ass bitch that I am. So if you try it,” Alina said, stepping close to Hillary’s face, “I think you’ll learn what the word ‘punishment’ means.”

 

Hillary was tickled. Literally. The giraffe was tickling her with his foot. “Bill,” she said, grinning. “I’m pleased.”

 

“You’re pleased, Madam Secretary?!”

 

“Very pleased,” she said, keeping her eyes on Alina. “Pleased. As. Punch,” she whispered, lips grazing Alina’s. Suddenly, Hillary grabbed the paddle on her right and spanked Alina’s ass with swiftness. The younger woman was startled by the move, but as she tried to get away, Victoria blocked her.

 

“Victoria?”

 

“Do what she wants,” Victoria said, lost in the trance. “You must always do what Madam Secretary wants.”

 

“What’s happened to you?!” Alina asked, bending more, because she liked the spanking and realized that she was also being sucked into the world of Hillary Clinton--you know, the dominatrix world leader who kept her husband on a literal leash and was suddenly dressed in a leather bodice and smoking a cigar. Alina had no clue how things changed so fast.

 


	2. Silk Rope

“Wh--where did that outfit come from?” Alina stuttered.

 

“Oh this?” Hillary asked, twirling. “It was made especially for me back in the 90s. Have you ever heard of Oscar de la Renta?”

 

“Of course,” Alina said. “He designed a lot of dresses for you.”

 

“ _ And _ all of her sex wear,” Bill interjected. “My personal favorite is the invisible nightie made from the finest of unseeable fibers. It was perfectly crafted to keep absolutely nothing to the imagination.”

 

Alina’s mouth watered as she thought of the woman in the invisible nightie.

 

Bill’s voice interrupted Alina’s train of thought. “Oscar was also one mean fucking hearts player. I miss him dearly. The old cheater. He still owes me at least three nightgowns for Hillary’s ass!”

 

With the distraction Alina hadn’t even noticed that her pants had suddenly disappeared. She was standing in nothing but sheer black panties.

 

“So, Alina, this is a performance assessment.” Hillary stated, looking deeply into the girls eyes, their faces only inches apart. “I need to see if I can work with you. You pretty young things today seem to have some obedience issues. Victoria told us that you were sleeping at your desk before this meeting. Is that true?”

 

Alina winced “I...I...I wasn’t sleeping. I was just resting my eyes for a few seconds.”

 

**_Whhhaaaack!_ **

 

A flat paddle hit Alina on her bottom so fast, it was as though it came out of nowhere.

 

“Ouch!” Alina squealed.

 

“Bill, dear husband, tell Alina what I consider fair punishment for lying to my face.”

 

Without saying a word, Bill reached into the tote bag and grabbed a coil of black japanese silk rope. “Shibari,” he finally said.

 

“Shibari?” Alina asked?

 

“Shibari,” Hillary repeated.”Japanese rope bondage.” Hillary pushed Alina back by the shoulders until her ass hit the edge of the table.

 

“But…” Alina whined. 

 

Hillary slammed her hand to the table right next to where the girl was now standing, causing a fright in everyone. “Do not dispute me.”

 

Alina swallowed hard and gave Hillary a shy nod “Okay.”

 

Hillary stared at the young woman, seeing her breath come out in spurts. Alina imagined being tied up, helpless, and exposed. The whole thing felt dangerous, but could Hillary Clinton be dangerous? Hell yes! Especially with that stern look on her face. Suddenly, the older woman bent forward and kissed Alina with the passion of a thousand suns. When she pulled away, Alina was even more breathless, her panties saturated by the move.

 

Deft, small fingers worked a length of black rope around Alina's body. The harness began at her midsection and drew a knotted column up over her stomach and into the valley of her ample cleavage. 

 

“Yes!” Bill wheezed, fist-pounding the giraffe.

 

Hillary worked quickly and in silent concentration. Her sparkling blue eyes met Alina’s dark ones right before she wound each breast, drew the rope over each shoulder, and pulled it taut. She fixated the girl’s hands behind her. 

 

Hillary took a step back to admire her work. She trailed the path of the rope with two fingers from Alina’s belly up to her left collarbone. Alina didn’t dare to move as Hillary swiftly divested her of her panties, produced a second length of rope, lowered herself to her knees, and resumed work on the harness. 

 

The rope was drawn tightly around the girl’s waist, circling her hips, her thighs and, after some intricate knotting, the rope was settled snugly between Alina's lower lips, exerting pressure on her most sensitive parts.  The tail end was looped through the front before Hillary tied it off and stood.

 

"That should teach you not to lie." The older woman exclaimed harshly, coming in uncomfortably close like a spider confronting an entangled fly.

 

“That...was my punishment?”

 

“No,” Hillary said. “This is.” Hillary motioned for Victoria, and she kissed the girl so passionately that Alina became consumed with jealousy. “Undress,” Hillary demanded of Victoria, and the girl took off all her clothes, nearly making Bill explode across the room. He was so hot and bothered that he reached for the giraffe’s pack of cigarettes and lit two to calm down.

 

“Hey!” Alina yelled. 

 

Hillary walked toward Alina. She stood directly in front of her, extended her right hand, and gave the harness a strong tug right where the length of rope ran across Alina’s waist. The motion translated into the rope between Alina’s folds pressing up against her clit. 

 

“The clit move,” Bill said, stunned. “I’ve seen it in the movies,” he whispered to the giraffe.

 

Alina moaned loudly, becoming instantly weak in the knees. Just before the girl’s legs could give way, the door at the end of the room flew open, startling everyone, and a familiar voice belted “Who’s the weak bitch that ordered the vegan pizza special?”

  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. Vegan Pizza

Bill Clinton just stood there, mouth wide open. It took him a full fifteen seconds to exclaim “Fucker! What the _fuck_ are you doing here?!”

 

Ignoring Bill, Joe Biden nearly dropped the pizza box when his eyes had fully taken in the scene before him. “Bill? Hilltop? Two naked chicks? One tied up in a Scottish law office? Some _other_ random chick?” He punched the air. “And you are asking me what I’m doing here, you bastard?!”

 

Hillary sighed and chimed in, “Hi Joe. We were called over from New York to work with this law firm with the Mueller investigation after the senior partner was knocked out by a blood sausage.”

 

“Edinburgh,” Joe said, nodding. “Always dick-shaped foods flooding the streets.” He took in the scene again, rejecting her explanation. “But that doesn’t explain the wet dream I’m seeing here!”

 

“Fine,” Hillary said, exasperated, “ _you_ explain why _you’re_ here delivering pizza that clearly no one ordered? Do that, and I might tell you what my goal is before I make Bill throw you out on your ass.”

 

“You’re kidding, right?” Joe chuckled. “President ‘Steamed Spinach and Mushroom Butts’ couldn’t throw me out if he tried. He can barely hold that cigarette!”

 

Weak, Bill nearly dropped the cigarette before the exasperated giraffe caught it.

 

“But I _can_ throw you out,” Hillary yelled, suddenly holding a leather whip.

 

Joe’s eyes grew big before he tossed the empty pizza box to the table and pulled up a chair. “You win, Hillsex. After the trip I’ve had, I don’t have the ball strength to challenge you.”

 

Hillary furrowed her brow.

 

“Let me explain,” Joe continued, picking his teeth. “I heard that the State of the Union was gonna be held at my favorite stripclub _slash_ buffet place in South Hackensack, New Jersey. They have the most fabulous week-old shrimp skewers, and they pay extra to stock two-ply, aloe vera toilet paper in the stalls,” he said, holding up a stolen roll.

 

Hillary licked her lips.

 

“Each time I came out the john, I’d have my picture taken with every stripper in that joint, you know, for campaigning. And now this fucking speech has me humiliated so bad that I fished out my Canadian flag clip-on tie from my sack of belongings and fled the country. Unfortunately I’m on the no-fly list due to a bullshit incident with a baby and his binky, and now I’m here in Scotland trying to make ends meet. Can you believe they’re the only place on earth that’s hiring?”

 

“Lies!” Bill interjected. “You didn’t take pictures with every stripper! I know for a fact that Candace refused because you don’t wash your hands!”

 

“It’s because she’s a liberal! Fucking feminists! I was humiliated!”

 

“Nothing humiliates you, fucker!”

 

“Hillary could” interjected Alina who had regained her footing.

 

“That’s quite enough out of you, little lady,” admonished Hillary as she gave another tug on Alina’s rope harness. Joe dropped the complementary breadsticks when he heard a sharp cry of pleasure coming from the young woman.

 

Bill cursed. “What a waste of a perfectly good dinner.”

 

“Did you hear her fucking moans, fucker?!”

 

“Fuck!” Bill yelled, tugging at his leather collar. “Giraffe, help me turn up my hearing aids!”

 

As the giraffe helped Bill turn up the volume, Joe stood, only inches from the seductive scene. “Where do you need me?” he asked.

 

“I don’t,” Hillary said, yanking the silk again.

 

“ _Ohh_ …” Alina moaned.

 

“I’m serious, Hillpot. My whole life’s been leading up to this moment of absolute sex. I even took a whiff of my Viagra inhaler upon waking just in case I came across something like this. They don’t call me Joe Sexden for nothing,” he said, gyrating.

 

Hillary snapped the whip. “Out.”

 

Joe, Bill, Victoria, and the giraffe all looked at each other.

 

“Now!”

 

“Great,” Bill said, rolling his eyes. “Thanks a lot, Joe. Now I won’t get to see Hillary work her magic, and I’ve been acting like a bitch this whole time just to get a glimpse.”

 

“Acting?” Joe asked, wrapping his arm around the giraffe and heading out of the room.

 

Victoria stood silent on the other side, not wanting to leave. “M...madam Secretary?”

 

Hillary turned to Alina. “Your assistant is quite insubordinate.”

 

“Victoria, leave now,” Alina demanded. “You are young and don’t want any part of this!”

 

“But I do!” the girl exclaimed. “Nothing would make me happier than being kissed again by the most powerful woman in the world.”

 

Hillary was flattered, even though she was angry. “You will be punished,” the older woman declared.

 

“No!” Alina screamed.

 

“Punished?” Victoria asked, excited for what was to happen next.

 

Hillary nodded, snapped her fingers, and the girl suddenly disappeared. Alina was so stunned that she spit out the gag that was suddenly in her mouth. “How did you do that?”

 

Hillary grinned. “Don’t you understand how this works yet? I’m Hillary Clinton.”


	4. Release

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \-- This is peak insanity. I can't believe we are actually posting this, but here goes...  
> Enjoy!

“And I’m Zelda Spellman,” Zelda said, a billowing cloud of smoke behind her as she appeared in the room.

 

“Z...Zelda?” Alina stuttered, desperately attracted to the new woman. “This is almost too much to bear.”

 

“Zelda,” Hillary said, lifting her chin in acknowledgement.

 

“Hillary,” Zelda said, doing the same.

 

The power between the two women had a magical effect, and Alina could feel the vibrations throughout her body. Hillary and Zelda each held up their right hands, and when they collided, lightning struck, and the drab conference room transformed into a dark lair filled with ceiling high windows, black curtains blowing from a powerful breeze, the sky pitch black without a star in sight. The table had turned into a stately bed, covered in black, silk sheets and littered with black rose petals. Candelabras hung along the stately ceiling, each bit of fire a dark blue hue. On the far side of the room, a grand, swirling orb served as the entrance to the other realm, it’s purple, pink, and black colors lighting the faces of all the women.

 

Like Hillary, Zelda was also dressed in a black bodice and six inch heels. Her face was stern and unmoving as she stared at Alina, cigarette ring holding a lit stick. “You appear innocent,” the woman said, before taking a slow drag. “But by the silk that wraps you, I’d say...you aren’t.”

 

Alina was breathless, desperate to be touched.

 

“Have you touched her yet?” Zelda asked.

 

“I’m disciplining her,” Hillary answered. “She will be begging me for release, but before, she will reconsider her insubordinate ways.”

 

The two women grinned, and lightning struck again. 

 

“I suppose she could use some thumping,” Zelda said, hands squeezing Alina’s ass. “Otherwise, how would we know if she’s sweet?”

 

“Wait!” Alina cried as the women came toward her. “Do you...plan to kill me?”

 

Zelda took another puff and blew the smoke out in curls. “Perhaps I will kill you, but only after the fun. Satan would have me revel in the blood of the  _ almost _ innocent as his faithful footsoldier. Wouldn’t you agree, Hillary?”

“I would,” Hillary said, scratching her long nails down Alina’s arm. “Unfortunately Satan wouldn’t make deals with me during my last presidential run. He kept insisting that Bernard’s head was already up his ass for the next 3000 years,” Hillary rolled her eyes, “but at least Satan promised me that fucker would lose every election in utter humiliation for the length of that timespan.”

Wanting to move things along, Zelda quickly grabbed Alina by the throat, watching as the young woman’s face turned red. “What a beautiful sight. A terrified, fragile little flower” she said, casually letting her go before lighting a new cigarette.

Alina coughed profusely, and when she caught her breath, Hillary lowered herself onto her knees in front of Alina and opened the girls thighs while dragging her to the edge of the bed. 

Hillary’s small hand found access to tender folds by pushing the silk rope slightly out of the way. She admired the plump, reddened, swollen lips before her. Hillary leaned forward, let out a pleased sigh, and proceeded to run her silky tongue up the length of the girl’s slit, causing Alina to whimper. Dissatisfied, Hillary pulled away. “Not quite sweet enough,” she said, turning to Zelda.

“I have an idea what could turn this girl sweeter,” the witch exclaimed, pulling out a carving knife and swiftly cutting the ties from Alina’s hands, but not the rest of the harness. “A little humility. Alina get on your hands and knees.” Confused, but intrigued, the girl did as she was told and scrambled onto all fours, facing the two older women standing at the foot of the bed. Zelda turned to Hillary. “The game,” the woman said. Hillary nodded. Alina was confused.

“Now sit back on the edge of the bed, we’ve seen enough for now,” Hillary said as she reached to the dresser for her iPhone. 

Alina did as she was told, but when Hillary handed her the phone she couldn’t help but ask: “What am I to do with this?”

“I’m on level 3,453 in Candy Crush, but I’ve been stuck on that level for--” Hillary glanced at the nearby grandfather clock. “Seven hours.”

“Seven hours,” Zelda repeated dramatically before throwing a fireball across the room.

“It is now your job to beat that level so that I can move on to the next. And remember, you only have five lives to lose.”

_ “If I win, then she’ll force me to continue with the next level,” _ Alina thought, ass in the air. Sweat rolled down her face as she pressed “Play” on the new level. “But...what if I lose?”

Hillary and Zelda cackled profusely, sending a shiver up the young woman’s spine. “Then you won’t get your prize.”

Alina furrowed her brow.

“You must prove that you’re sweet for Khal Drogo. He may be a warlord, but he still likes dessert.”

“And he’s my NUMBER 1 nemesis in Candy Crush!” Hillary interjected.

“ _ KHAL DROGO?! _ ” Alina squealed. “He’s the sexiest guy on  _ Game of Thrones _ ! I hear he can get women pregnant just by looking at them!”

“Which is why we use protection,” the women said in unison, both putting on dark shades. Zelda made lightning strike again which made Alina finally start the game.

“ _ Fourteen moves _ ?!” Alina thought. “It’s like this game is rigged!”

“Like the election,” Hillary mumbled, pissed.

Hillary noticed that Alina was starting to shake and sweat with apprehension. “I cannot win this. I need help.”

“Shhhh, little lady. Calm down,” Hillary cooed, placing her small hands on Alina’s firm, but quivering breasts, massaging gently. “It is of the utmost importance that you win this. The fate of the United States of America depends on it,” she stated matter of factly.

“But...but...why? This makes no sense.”

“It does.” Hillary had moved onto the bed and was now sitting directly behind Alina, straddling her. She whispered in her ear before licking the girl’s neck. “You know, if I don’t finish this damn game soon, the whole investigation will come to nothing and “President Fucking Cheeto Dust” will remain in office.”

Alina moaned and exclaimed: “Fuck! We can’t let that happen!”

“Exactly,” Hillary replied. “Here, let me do something to help you calm down before you win this thing.” The older woman’s small hand slipped in between Alina’s legs and caressed the girl determinately. Within minutes Alina wanted nothing more than physical release, and Hillary obliged by giving a perfectly timed forceful tug at Alina’s harness that sent the girl tumbling over the edge.

“There, there,” Hillary whispered before placing a gentle kiss onto the girl’s cheek, “I didn’t even make you beg for it. Now get to work.”

As soon as Alina regained her composure she picked up the phone and Hillary had been right, her hands were not trembling anymore. She started playing Candy crush.

  
  


_ <><><><><> _

Meanwhile in the law office kitchenette…

“Why did you insert yourself into this, fucker? I was  _ this  _ close to seeing my wife at her absolute sexiest: holding the reigns, literally!”

“WAAHH, WAAHH, WAAHH, you whiny little bitch. All because you couldn’t cum in your pants while Hilton was living  **my wet dream** . Get a fuckin’ hobby,” Joe mocked, sitting down. Bored, he quickly made a move to strangle Bill.

“Get off me, fucker!”

“But--I’m--bored!”

“Get--a--hobby!”

Annoyed by the scene, the giraffe kicked Joe in the ass with its hind legs, thereby dropping the burning cigarette from its mouth.

“What the fuck, Geoffrey!”, Joe howled, stumbling against Bill.

“Stay in your space!” Bill screamed, pushing him back hard.

The two men strangled each other, neither noticing that the cigarette butt was burning it’s way through the handwoven rug on the floor. 

“Why--did--you--ruin--the--vegan--pizza?!” Bill cried, stomach rumbling.

“What--pizza?!” Joe screamed.

Smoke from Geoffrey’s cigarette wafted up to the ceiling. Loving the smell, Bill licked his lips and pulled away. “Barbeque?” he said. “Fuck, I could really go for some ribs right now.”

“Hell,” Joe said, wrapping his arm around Bill’s shoulder. “I could really go for some ass.”

“Me too.”

“Fuck,” Joe said, ignoring the spreading fire. “It’s the best thing about politics. How many young men in their 70s have women begging to take selfies with them? There was this one chick in Iowa,” he said, shaking his head. “Mid-fifties. Four kids. She was wearing old, white sweatpants and a plaid shirt. Smelled like dairy,” Joe said, thinking back fondly. “How can we get off this train, fucker? The rock and roll world of politics. It’s hard being Mick Jagger.”

“I see myself as Elvis,” Bill said, also ignoring the fire. 

“I can see that,” Joe said. “It’s all in the jawline.”

Flattered, Bill smiled.

In the meanwhile, Geoffrey lifted the heaviest chair he could and swung it at the window. He was panicked and determined to survive the raging fire. The giraffe howled in grief, turning on the sink and trying his best to spray out the flames all while Bill and Joe continued reminiscing. Within seconds, the smoke alarm went off with an ear bursting intensity.

Bill sniffed the air. “Alina!”

“Alina!” Joe repeated. “Wake up, hen!”

“Hey, wake up! Wake up!”

Geoffrey stomped up and down, screaming the same thing.


	5. Waking

“Alina!” Victoria screamed, shaking the woman. “It’s Tuesday morning, and you can’t stay awake! Want some coke?”

 

Confused, Alina lifted her head. “Victoria, you’re alive.” She wiped her mouth and rubbed her eyes. “Where’s Hillary? And the iPhone? And Zelda? And the Steves?”

 

Shaking her head, Victoria lit a fresh cigarette.

 

“Where’s Khal Drogo...and that fire?!”

 

Victoria took a puff. “Steve 3 burned his toast again, that cunt.”

 

“But the office smells of cigarettes.”

 

“Because I took up smoking,” Victoria said, lifting her pack. “I never know what to do with my hands.”

Alina swallowed, taken aback. “I had the weirdest dream. You were there, and so were the hottest women on the planet. But it all happened because Steve 1 was knocked out by a blood sausage.”

 

“But that’s not weird,” Victoria said, annoyed. “Dick-shaped foods always flood the streets of Edinburgh.”

 

“This was different,” Alina continued. “He nearly died, and we were all called to the conference room to work on the Mueller investigation. There were so many white men. Then Hillary Clinton walked in and demanded to have sex with--”

 

“Alina,” Victoria said, resting her hand to the woman’s shoulder. “You had a crazy dream. It’s alright. We’ve all been there.”

 

Alina nodded.

 

“Now head to the conference room,” she continued. “We are meeting a bunch of yanks that need help with the Mueller investigation.”

 

Alina spit out her Sprite. “But...that…!”

 

“Apparently, there’s some big shot lawyer coming. She ran for president or something. Who knows?”

 

“H--Hillary Clinton?! Oh my God, is she gonna bring Bill?”

 

“Who’s Bill?”

 

“Her husband!”

 

Victoria shrugged. “I didn’t know she was married.”

 

“Of course, she’s married!” Alina yelped, becoming breathless. “Why don’t you know that?!”

 

“I didn’t even know  _ you  _ were married until right now!” Victoria said, pointing to Alina’s ring finger. 

 

Alina’s eyes grew big. “How did that…?”

 

“Alina,” Khal Drogo said, voice booming. “To the conference room?” he asked, extending his muscular arm for her to hold onto.

 

“Khal Drogo?! Oh my god, you’re amazing!”

 

“What a wonderful thing for a wife to say,” he said, kissing her crown. The two entered the conference room as Victoria followed them.

 

“Can you believe this shit?!” Bill yelped, suddenly in the common area. “Why doesn’t anyone know my name anymore?! For fuck’s sake, I was the 42nd President of the United States!”

 

“Hell,” Joe said, sniffing Victoria’s coke stash, “if you think that’s bad, imagine no one knows you were the  _ 47th  _ Vice President of the United States. That’s ten times worse than that shit you’re whinin’ about.”

 

“Presidents matter more!”

 

“Oh yeah? You and what army?!”

 

“What the fuck are you talking about, Joe?!”

 

“Hell if I know,” Joe said, handing the cocaine plate to Geoffrey. The giraffe was obviously angry, but neither Bill nor Joe paid any attention.

 

“I’m still hungry,” Bill said, miffed.

 

“Want some coke, buddy?”

 

Bill sighed and buried his face in his hands. “Pussy.”

 

Joe nodded.

 

“Hillary’s been banging everyone except me!”

 

“Can you blame her?” Joe asked, searching through Alina’s drawers and stealing random items. “I’d bet this fucker wouldn’t even give you a go,” Joe chuckled, pointing to an incredibly incensed Geoffrey. “And he’d bang  _ anyone _ . I saw him pounding away at a back-alley dumpster the other night. Fucker didn’t even care about the fish smell.”

 

Coughing profusely, Geoffrey whipped out his pocket knife, and just as he was about to cut Joe--

 

“Let’s get out of here,” Bill said, wrapping his arm around the man. “Maybe some of those dick-shaped foods flooding the streets are vegan.”

 

“Bananas?”

 

“Churros.”

 

“I hear Hilton loves churros,” Joe said, gyrating as Geoffrey punched an office cabinet and shrieked in indignation.

 

“Not as much as sausage,” Bill said, laughing along with Joe as they left the building.

 

Alone, Geoffrey snorted the rest of the coke, punched a wall, and called his lawyer to begin the lawsuit.


End file.
